I was praying for you the way you post, and I think you would be better served to realize being vague is your problem. What you do is look at a verse and assume into it things like Total depravity or irresistible regeneration. Try to examine a verse more closely and with precision to see you can't do that. Only extract from a verse what it says and no more. Your mistaken assumptions are killing you and are way to loose with the Scriptures for your doctrine. A person can make the words of God say anything with that approach.